[Azpac] A present for my frirends from AZPAC

[JaneJarrow at aol.com]

Below, you will find a very long post that I just sent to the DSSHE-L.   I 
have been in touch with Cindy, and I think she is going to arrange to have 
this posted to the AZPAC site so that it stays available on a long-term 
basis, but in the meantime,   I have attached the letter in .pdf format.   If, 
for some reason, you would rather have it in Word format, just drop me a note 
at JaneJarrow at aol.com, and I'll be glad to send it to you that way.   Under 
the heading of "for what it is worth!"    Janie
-------
(Long post -- but hopefully worthwhile!)

Dear Colleagues,

I wanted to share something with you all.   I have written an Open Letter 
to parents of students with disabilities who are in the process of 
transitioning from high school to college.   I wrote the letter for three reasons:

In the last several weeks, I have had the same conversation with three 
different parents who were getting ready to go to orientation on campus with 
their soon-to-be freshmen.   They asked me how they could make sure that they 
got what they wanted for their sons/daughters from the disability services 
office, and I told them it didn't matter what they wanted -- that it mattered 
what the swd wanted!   Then I gave them some specific strategies that might 
help in that initial interview.

Meantime, I have had parallel conversations with several disability service 
providers who were either annoyed or exhausted (or both!) after several 
long days of meeting with this year's crop of incoming students and their 
omnipresent parents.

And, yes... the real reason I wrote this letter was as therapy.   In the 
middle of one of the above-mentioned conversations I had one of those "aha!" 
moments when I recognized that I should be taking my own advice and start 
backing out of the process of getting MY kid situated for school next year.   
It is time for me to shut up and let her take control. (Sidenote -- when I 
discussed this with Cottie, she looked at me with amused condescension   and 
said, "Duh!")

So, okay.   I get it.   I thought since I had this revelation, maybe I 
could pass it along to others.   And maybe if I DID make it public, it would 
push me to follow my own good advice.   Hence, the Open Letter to Parents of 
Students With Disabilities About to Enter College.

I won't give you the whole thing here -- it runs for almost four pages -- 
but here are two of my favorite passages:

<< If you are worried that your child with a disability will have a 
difficult time making a successful transition to college without your involvement… 
then you are probably right to be worried.   Very few children with d
isabilities can succeed at the college level.   On the other hand, students with 
disabilities survive and thrive on college campuses across the country.   If 
you still think of your son or daughter as your “child,” and they still are 
comfortable in accepting that role, it is time to take a careful look at 
where you have come from and what lies before you.  >>

<< As I approach that same milestone with my daughter, I find myself a 
little panicky, realizing that there are things about her disability and how it 
impacts on her functioning that I know and that the disability services 
provider needs to know, and that I may not have many chances to say.   There is 
no doubt that I can explain those things more fully than my daughter can 
explain them (or even understands them!).   And it doesn't matter.   Much as I 
hate it, I know that SHE has to be the one to convey all this crucial 
information (not me!), for a number of reasons.  >>

The letter is written from one parent (me) to another, and it ends with 
this:
<< It is time for our kids to solo.   That is a scary thought for us, as 
parents, and it is sure to be scary for them, too.   That's OK.   This is what 
we have all been working towards for a long time.   Remember, your 
son/daughter will call, email, or text if they need you.   They know what you can do 
for them, but now it is time for them to go it alone. Take a deep breath, 
cross your fingers, wish them well - and walk away.   All will be well! >>

My intent   was to provide a tool that you might find useful in dealing 
with parents like me!!!   You can use it any way you want.   You might:
* post a copy to your own website and refer parents there
* send it out as an attachment when you are corresponding with 
students/parents
* print copies and have them available to mail out with documentation 
guidelines, or simply have sitting around in the waiting room when 
parents/students visit during orientation
* adapt it, take sections from it, use chunks in whatever way you want -- 
no limits.   This was just a project for me that accomplished a personal 
purpose; no restrictions on what you do with it!
* read it, shake your head and laugh, and be glad that YOU don't have to 
deal with me next year! ;-)

I wanted to make the letter available to all of you, but the DSSHE-L 
doesn't take attachments.   Due to an unusual set of circumstances, I can't get in 
to add things to my own website at the moment (my webmaster is tied up with 
a major project for someone else, and I don't have the expertise to add 
something myself).   So, instead, I prevailed upon my friends (and yours!).   
There are a number of state/regional groups that kindly allow me to lurk and 
participate on their internal listservs, even though I am not in their 
geographic regions and not a dues-paying member of their organizations. I 
approached several of those groups that have a website presence, and asked if they 
would be comfortable in posting the letter to their websites and letting 
folks from outside their region come looking.   Two of the groups, ARK-AHEAD 
and MO-AHEAD have already put the letter up online for you.   By Monday, I 
expect it may be posted in several other places and that will give me an excuse 
to come back to the list and let folks know it is out there!   For now:

ARK-AHEAD
Go to:
http://arkahead.org/letterfromjane.htm
and you will find a copy of the letter in html that you can read -- or send 
others to read!   At the very top, there is a download link that will allow 
you to pull the letter down in .pdf format if you want to print it out or 
post it to your own website.

MO-AHEAD
Go to:
http://www.moahead.org
On the left, you will find a link to "Parents"
That will bring you to a page that says "Resources" and "Transition 
Training"
The "Resources" Link will bring you to three additional links.   The top 
one reads "Open Letter To Parents" and you can download my letter from there 
(again, in pdf).

Thanks for indulging me (and encouraging me to do the right thing).   I 
hope you find it useful.
Janie

Jane E. Jarrow, Ph.D.
JaneJarrow at aol.com
http://www.daisweb.com





**************
Make your summer sizzle with fast and easy recipes for the 
grill. (http://food.aol.com/grilling?ncid=emlcntusfood00000005)
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